I want to be

I MAY BE KNOCKED DOWN, BUT I'M NOT OUT FOR THE COUNT.

...

"everything happens for a reason" were all of their words. they probably thought that it would be helpful or comforting to say...or they couldn't think of anything else. sometimes i'd rather have a hug or coffee, rather than empty words. it's not that I don't believe in reason. I do, it's just that sometimes situations don't have as much reason as others may seem to. God puts us in and through situations for a reason though,...I think. right? I am really not sure what this one was, but I could have stopped it. I could have done something so that today, right now I didn't have to feel like this.

I probably wasn't the best example and testimony I could have been, but I put effort into being the person I knew I had to be. when you think you know parts of some one's heart...and you find out you knew nothing, absolutely nothing. it's an empty, empty feeling. but it also feels like a rock hitting your chest.

tears fall and memories blur back. sometimes I just have to shake my head and put them to the side for that moment.

there are people out there with so much hope in the wrong things - chasing the wrong things of this lonely, lonely world. I think some situations you go through give you perspective. maybe it was a perspective you lost, or one you never had. I don't know if I had very much perspective of other people and other people's lives before. but now, I feel like looking through people and the things around them gives you perspective of that person.

it's hard to think back and imagine a person as one of your best friends. because now you could care less if you ever saw them again. and when you do, it breaks you down.

Jesus puts so much perspective in everything of the world. people, places, hearts.

you can't always trust or count on people. but you can pray for them. someone broke me, lied to me, rejected me, replaced me, and turned away from everything. I cry, but I also pray. sometimes it's harder than others, but it is really needed in my life. I pray everyday for someone who was born for such a better reason than what they're living for right now. and they don't even know it. they don't need to.

God does makes me feel somewhat strong some days and makes me believe that He really did put me here with reason: to encourage, to love, to friend, to cherish, to do for, to pray with my whole heart, to go beyond the unimaginable...for other people.

BUT GOD.

I love that. because without it I wouldn't be saying or typing a word.

I want to be able to cry and go through my emotions, but conquer them. CONQUER. because Jesus is the victor and He is on my side. just think about that: Jesus Christ, the King of the world - IS ON YOUR SIDE.

I want to pour my life into others. through everything that has happened in the past months I have come to this very conclusion. others. On days when I feel weak.? I want to be able to cry, but then stand up and lift my hands. because God is awesome, so very awesome.

the sun shines because He made it.

I have come a little ways from a few months ago. I know it's not over. I know satan is not done pulling me down. but I want to be able to stand up, and pray. because I know my God can keep me going and he can do amazing things with people - people who don't know what they're doing with their lives.

I am ready to conquer my feelings and emotions, because my God is strong and He is an OVERCOMER.

I want to be an overcomer too.